Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

When will they ever stop and when should they start?

In many ways, these are the most important questions any parent can ask themselves. A big responsibility of parenting is to teach good decision making skills to your children. Kids are not born with the ability to make good decisions this is a taught skill. Helping children learn to think about and make good decisions is one of the most valuable gifts a parent can give.

1. Teach by example. Model your own best decision making skills where your children can watch and learn. For example, if you are in the mall and want something but don't buy it, visit with them about your decision and why you chose not to buy.

2. Start them off with a few options. When you are giving your children a choice, only give them a couple of options. Note: Never let the option be yes or no, have two options that you can live with. "For dinner tomorrow night, would you rather have spaghetti or tacos?" Having some successful decisions where the choices are limited will help children develop confidence in their decision making skills.

3. As kids get older it is vital to teach children a decision-making formula. Here is a sample although there are many different formulas.
•Define the problem. What is the decision you need to make? What is the problem it solves?
•Explore the choices. To solve the problem, what options do I have? Are all the choices possible? Are they safe or risky? Ask lots of "what if" questions like, "What if I fail at this choice?"
•Understand the consequences. Each choice has pluses and minuses. Some choices have immediate benefits; for others, the benefits are delayed. Thinking through the consequences of each choice will help children learn to narrow the range of acceptable choices.
•Make a decision. When there are different choices, your child must pick one and implement it. Be careful not to model indecisiveness in your own life.
•Evaluate and learn from the decision. It is always good to look back learn from successes or failures.

4. Don't solve their problems. Too often, parents want to be in the "fix it" mode and try to solve problems for their children. Rather than making a decision for your children, help them make it themselves. And then don't bail them out when things go wrong if they do. Remember, they will learn more from a little trial and error than they will if you make every decision for them.

Decisions Made by Child

Birth to Age Four (0% decisions made by child)
Clothes: Parent selection
Food: Parent planned (taking into account child’s likes and dislikes
TV/movies: Parent selection and limited time (recommend 30 minutes per day)
Bedtime/nap time: Parent controlled and scheduled.
Ages 5 to 8 (20% decisions made by child)
Clothes: Give a choice between two outfits
Food: Parent planned meals. Child select snacks from parent choices.
TV/movies: Child choose from parent selection of age-appropriate choices.
Limit time allowed (recommend not more than one hour per day)
Bedtime: Still parent controlled and scheduled.
Ages 9 to 12 (40% decisions made by child)
Clothes: Choose what to wear as long as you have approved of the wardrobe
Food: Parent planned meals. Child select snacks from parent choices. Begin
teaching meal planning and food preparation.
TV/movies: Child choice. Limit ratings allowed. Limit time allowed
(recommend one hour per day)
Bedtime: Parent control of bedtime. Child select order
(example: dinner, shower, TV, teeth, bed)
Children even at this age work well with a routine.

*Ages 12-15 (50% decision making by child)
16-19 (80% decision making by child)

Shape Week

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Communication's Top Ten

A great habit to start with your children while they are young is "Talk Time". This is a special time set aside each day for you to spend one on one time with your child to find out how he or she is doing. If you have more than one child give each child their own special time. This habit will strengthen the parent/child relationship and keep lines of communication open between you and your child as they grow older. Establishing a specific time will create anticipation in young children and freedom of expression in older ones. This is a time when kids know they have your undivided attention to share with you whatever they would like. A great time to start this is when the child starts preshool.

10 Ways To Communicate With Your Child

1. Set aside time each day to talk with each individual child. Make communication
a habit for both of you.
2. Choose the best time to talk for you: when everybody is well rested, well fed
and not feeling rushed.
3. Learn to listen and give complete attention so that your child feels valued. The self esteem benefits will last a life time.
4. Encourage Responses by asking questions that require more than a yes or no
answer.
5. Choose the right language by using words and concepts that your child can
understand.
6. Have patience and let your child explain, don't interrupt or jump to conclusions.
7. Show respect through courtesy and interest, be sure to avoid sarcasm or put
downs.
8. Think before you speak and be sensitive to your child's feelings. You don't
need to rush in to fix-just be patient and listen. Sometimes just talking through their problems will help children come up with their own solutions. Let them ask for advice before you give it during talk time.
9. Tell your child "I love you" often, a child who feels cherished is more likely
to talk.
10. As children get older into teen years, avoid talk stoppers such as commands,
ultimatums and judgement. Talk Time needs to be a safe place for kids to
express themselves.

Pink Week 2010

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Valentine's Luncheon Smilebox

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Love is spelled T-I-M-E

Happy Valentine's Day, and what do your kids want more than candy hearts? I think John CrudeleIf said it best Kids spell love as T-I-M-E.
Take some time this weekend and just enjoy loving on your child. How well do you really know your child? Their likes and dislikes tend to change so rapidly you need to check in from time to time. Ask questions, believe it or not kids like to...no, love to talk about themselves. Do you know the answers to the following questions?
1. Who is my child's hero?
2. What does my child want to be when they grow up?
3. Who are my child's best friends?
4. What are my child's all time favorites: such as food, music, movies, and places to go?
Answer these questions first and then talk to your child and see how well the answers match up. I found this quote online and think it sums up perfectly the regrets we can have when we let busyness get in the way of relationships. Trust me I can be the worst offender, I am speaking to myself right now.

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans

Enjoy your day of love with the ones you love the most.

Weather Week Smilebox

Make a Smilebox slideshow

St. Jude's Trike-a-Thon Smilebox

Make a Smilebox slideshow

And they're off...

The big day was finally here: eager children, shiny trikes, and proud parents. Anticipation mounted as the clock hit 9:00 a.m. and they're off. Will they be able to do it? Kids from 2-6 years old riding trikes, bikes and scooters for one solid hour without complaining whining or crying. I am happy to report that they did. It wasn't easy and I had taught them that it wouldn't be, but sometimes we have to do things that are hard when we are helping other people. We told our students ahead of time that their legs and bottoms would get sore and that they might want to give up. Remember though that we are riding for all the kids who are too sick to ride. We let the kids know that this was their job to ride their trikes for one hour and that people had donated money to St. Judes because of our willingness to ride. Preschool aged children can have amazing heart, determination and attention span if they feel that they are doing something important. I found this quote and believe that it applys to children of all ages.

"Do not handicap your children by making their life easy." Robert A. Heinlein

Don't be afraid to let your child work hard at something, it's ok to struggle, as long as parents are cheering their child on from the sidelines. We had an amazing amount of parents, grandparents and friends supporting and encouraging these kids on from the sidelines giving their support but not stepping in to take the hardship away.